I don’t really know why I quit posting, I just got busy and forgot. It’s incredible to me that these posts were almost a year ago. I cannot believe that it was so long ago, but then I think about it, and I realize just how much has changed in my life. How much I’ve changed. And somehow, I still remember the girl that wrote these posts with perfect clarity. The last post I made (the one about my awkward life…it’s right below this one) is just insane to me. But my story’s not over, nor is it any less awkward. In fact it’s probably worse. I’ve done things that I regret and I’ve still yet to forgive myself for them. I don’t know if I ever will. Ready for story time? Okayy here we go.
(I really don’t expect anyone to read this, but if you do, I’m done with the name-changing. It’s too much work. So from the last post, here is everyone’s real names:
Code name=Real name
I don’t think I could have made their fake names any more confusing if I tried…Anyway, if there’s someone out there reading this, I tried to make it less confusing by putting them in the order that they appeared in the first story. They will not all come up in my new story, I just tried to make sure I covered all my bases. Okay, now you better really be ready, because I’m starting. Wish me luck!)
My Awkward Life Part 2:
In the last story, I left off dating Brandon. That only lasted about two weeks because he got too clingy. I was his first girlfriend, his first kiss, he was younger than me, and he ended up just being too immature. He was very sweet, but not what I needed. Afterwards, I discovered that my best friend, Elizabeth, had started talking to Hastie. She didn’t tell me about it and maybe if she had, it would have been a little more okay. We had a huge fight, but I realized, that she was my best friend and he was just a guy, one that I needed to get over. It still felt like a major betrayal and it was a huge blow, but the next day I told her: “You can date him. We can still be best friends. Nothing can change that. But I don’t know if we’ll ever be the way we were. You have to give me time, that is what I need.” Shortly after, we went to a football game. He was there and so was his best friend, Travis. Travis is a notorious flirt. Flirts with everything with a vagina. I swear. But we got to talking and I realized he was just what I needed. Someone to have a good time with. And it may have helped that he was Hastie’s best friend and it was kind of satisfying. So we were talking and seeing each other often. Then, this new guy walked into my life; Seth. And I started talking to him as well. Travis wouldn’t make it official and I was tired of waiting, so I figured, why not? Well they both had lunch together, along with Elizabeth, Hastie, and Sam (my ex from long ago, the one that dated my best friend Jordan after I asked him to). Pause. I forgot to say that Jordan and I are no longer friends. We drifted apart. It was for the better. She and I are two different people. Anyway, Elizabeth had to make sure Travis/Seth didn’t say anything about me at lunch because neither knew about the other… Elizabeth and Hastie never started dating. He just quit talking to her. Sounds like a keeper doesn’t he? Sorry, that’s not fair. Let me just get back to the story. While Travis took way too long to make his move, Seth wasted no time at all and asked me to be his girlfriend. I politely declined. He wasn’t what I wanted. Travis and I quit talking. So I went from talking to two guys, to zero in a matter of days. Then Sam texted me. He made some stupid joke. But I’ve been grateful for that stupid joke ever since, because it made us begin talking again. We decided to become friends with benefits. Then he started dating a girl named Kaitlyn. Who oddly enough, is my stepsister’s cousin. And I despise her. He didn’t date her for long and when they broke up, we went back to being friends with benefits. We were hanging out at his house one day, just laying on his bed (which by the way, despite the fact that we called ourselves “friends with benefits” we never actually had sex at that time) and he said “So, you’re cute, wanna date?” I was afraid to date him. I didn’t want to ruin us. But after a few minutes, I kissed him and said: “That was a yes, by the way.” So much has happened since then, we’ve grown and made mistakes. We’ve fallen deeply and madly in love. And I can’t imagine life without him. It’s scary and breathtaking, confusing and clear, nervewracking and exciting. Sorry, I’ll get back to the story. We started dating December 5, 2012. About four months later, his ex and my ex best friend, Jordan, started telling people that he was texting her saying that he wanted her back and that she was all that he wanted. She also said that he said when he and I would have sex all he thought about was her. I confronted him, and he said none of it was true and that it sickened him to even think about it. I had no choice but to believe him. I have no proof and he has never given me any reason to doubt him. Six months later, we get in a fight, Elizabeth and I are hanging out at my house, it’s about ten thirty, we decide to go for a drive. Earlier Hastie had said he wanted to race, so Elizabeth texted him and asked if he wanted to race. He said no but you can come pick me up. We did and we drove around. We played the game sex I don’t know if you all have ever heard of that game, but it’s where if you see a yellow light someone yells sex and hits the top of the car last one to hit it and yell has to take a piece of clothing off. Well while we were playing this game I got pulled over. We were all half naked and it was only for my bright lights. Not to mention, Hastie had vodka in the backseat, and we are very much not old enough. We weren’t drinking…yet. But then we decided to go back to my house and we started drinking. We also got my hot tub, it’s kind of broken so it was very cold. This is the first time I have ever gotten drunk. things happened. We were all drunk and it was practically threesome. Well we didn’t really have sex, but it was damn close. I didn’t get to bed till 5 o’clock in the morning. I had to work at 7 in the morning. I told Sam the next day. We obviously didn’t break up, he’s the best guy I’ve ever known. He deserves so much better, but I love him with all that I have in me. I knew I had to tell him immediately and I’m just amazed that he was able to stay with me. He’s incredible. Its been almost 5 months since then. We’ve had our ups and downs. Mostly it comes from that night, but I think we’re stronger from it and maybe even have gotten closer. I know it’s hard for him and I’m truly sorry. if you ever read this Sam, just know that I love you and if we’re not together , I will always love you. No matter what. I think that closes this chapter. Come back for more.